Gastroesophageal reflux disease. Acid reflux, in simpler words. Stuff that the old, senile and the weak suffer, and even they only after they take inordinate amounts of NSAIDs or downing gallons of coffee or wallowing in alcohol (and vitamin C supplements, curiously enough). The Disease of the Ancients. That was the diagnosis.
I am 20 years old. I am not old, I think I am not yet senile, and I don't believe that I am so weak. I don't have a pain problem or a pain-management problem (now those who recognized where that came from, give me an Amen!). I am not nuts about coffee or alcohol. And I don't get kicks out of downing vitamin pills either.
I would usually snicker if someone were to prattle on about something so cliched like how they were in the prime of their lives and how they would never be able to best their ahem, current brilliance. But really, could this be me at my very highest? I've been asked to take medicine for the next two months, doesn't one have to be at least 60 for such a thing to happen? And pray, how bad would it get when I turn 60? Do forgive my involuntary shudders. Unpleasant questions with unpleasant answers. Much better if we assume them to be rhetorical.
In related news, I had a tube stuck down my throat today. Yep, that's how they confirmed the diagnosis. Esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Apparently the word endoscopy can be used in the pretext of sticking a tube into any of your orifices, as he quite fondly let me know. (:P) So Esophagogastroduodenoscopy it is. The procedure was not really necessary (their words, not mine!), but it would be nice to get it done. Nice was the word used. Harrumpf. It isn't among the better ways to spend your day, take my word for it. Well, maybe if you are deviant. Maybe not even then. The fact that the tube was as thick as my index finger didn't help all that much. And here I thought that they could fit a camera on the head of a pin. Not the same 'they', clearly.
Oh, and there's more! Dietary restrictions. That has such a ring to it, doesn't it? Amongst other boring things, no CHOCOLATE!
I will not pretend to possess the same lust for chocolate truffles and milkshakes, black forest cakes and snickers bars; that some of my friends have... but life without chocolate!
Me, I'm speechless.
OK, I am off... to go sleep on the regulation two pillows. It's alright to herniate one of my vertebrae as long as it can stop a li'l stomach ache, eh? Ok, not so little. Even then.